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换妻奇遇 (2/3)
四、老婆畀人糟踬肉都赤
阿妈寻晚畀我搞到佢摊摊腰,第二朝又早过我起身,煮定早餐我食。佢拧条煎㶶咗既土鲮鱼上台,话︰拿,食你既早餐喇。你己自已话同我食咗佢架。我真系一叉拮落去就食,阿妈快手过我挪开,叫我等一等,捧碟我中意既火腿奄列出嚟。我揽住阿妈话佢真系乖勒,抵我惜哂佢。
话定畀阿妈知,今晚有应酬,夜的至番,返嚟同佢消夜。佢话你唔使挂住我,识得自己揾节目喇。我问乜野节目?佢话女人既节目。我问系唔系扮靓?佢话,男人之中没你咁诸事既。我话,关心你啫。佢话,知道喇。再问一句今晚消夜想食乜?我话,咁使咁频轮,出街撑擡脚喇。我打电话返嚟,你着定衫等我,记得着靓的呀,我中意的人既艳羡目光呀。
呢句话系我楂住佢对手仔讲既,佢揈开我,耷底头,话我冤气㖞。我扚起佢个下巴,惜佢一啖,话畀佢听,我呢两日向公司都挂住佢架。佢话,知喇,长气夹㖊气。我唔系你老婆,你老婆放完假就番篱接班,留番啖气凼佢啦。
一谂起个衰婆,就度日如年,不过,同阿妈喺一齐,好似春宵苦短。认真矛盾啰何?今日,我要出击。返疴肥屎(office公司)巡一转,话头赤告半昼假,熘去买齐的狗仔队架生,不惜公本买咗碌单筒重炮,睇雀用嗰亭专业望远镜连三脚架,只雀仔有几多条毛都睇得真嗰亭,备齐一日粮水,上山做山寨王,菢下阿珊同佢嗰个叫阿尚既契家佬。自己做埋私家侦探,都算苦心喇挂,为咗棵红杏。
花园个泳池水静鹅飞。阿尚架积架跑车泊喺度,即系未出街。阿珊佢没日上三竿都唔起身,佢应该起咗身喇……系勒,真系佢,困向张沙滩椅度,晒太阳。松埋的支镜,无上装添。我同你去泰国晒咗几日重咁够喉,重要生晒?生皮肤癌架。问心嗰句,佢身材没得顶,曲线玲珑。阿尚去咗边呢?未起身?没野发生,我瞌着一阵间。醒番既时候,阿珊唔系镜头,死咗去边呢?可能入咗屋?入咗屋就难睇好多,唔知佢向边间房。睇下个日头,落紧山,挨晚咯。正想话收队,第二日再嚟,又见到阿珊着住条性感比坚尼,畀嗰条友追追逐逐。阿珊对超级大波波,抛上抛落,正式波涛汹涌咁场面。佢走到游水池边,沊声跳落水。玩鸳鸯戏水乎?
呢条友仔,啄住尾,插落水底,蒲番上嚟,揽住阿珊。睇唔真阿珊个样,喊定笑,一捶一槌咁抌佢。嗰条仔飞擒大咬,惜人地个老婆唔使本咁,一啖咬落阿珊个莲度,阿珊拥开佢,搏命游向池边,爬番上岸。阿尚好快追上嚟,扑过去就擒住佢,好似麻鹰捉鸡仔咁。佢都几大只噃,一手就扚得起阿珊,成个人扛系髆头。阿珊猛咁踢脚,一拳拳咁抌佢背嵴佢都唔怕,将阿珊挤低喺条板凳度,打咗几野pat pat,打个阿珊飞起,嗌晒救命,呢云佢未曾真个已瓜柴,只见阿尚一手掤甩阿珊个三点式薄落,一手撕烂条三角游水裤,露械狂攻阿珊个大后方,形势都几危急。
阿珊趁阿尚除裤,翻身想走人。卒之畀阿尚揿番低。阿尚随手执起个薄落,用嚟绑住阿珊对手。阿珊就没得郁勒,畀阿尚一只手捉实对手,一只手揿住个衰婆向张凳度,准备㓥猪咁㓥佢。唔使搽膏,就打支桩入去佢后面嗰窿。佢舂一下,阿珊成个人兀起,张凳向前一褪就成尺远。哗,唔讲得笑,好劲㖞。支桩系坚野嚟架。睇见都肉紧,谂起咁劲揪,戥个衰婆可怜,个心都痛埋。不过,唔知个衰婆,话之佢钟意玩呢味野,畀人打桩呢?
男人最棹忌系同人比较嗰枝野,以唐人标准,边个够我粗?翻飞快,认咗第二没人敢认第一。唔系灭自己同胞既志气,我地先天个头轮蚀,就算后天苦练挽(mang)唔番几多,咁远松个镜头埋去睇真的,简直唔成比例咁粗。可谓天赋异禀。阿珊个屎窟实情没得净,畀佢舂到开花。没眼睇,合埋眼,唔忍心睇全套。十零廿分钟左右,隐若传来空谷回音,系阿珊既叫声……没得净咯
睇下乜环境?阿尚揽到我老婆实,梗系落哂嘴头,出尽甜言蜜语凼番佢勒。我睇到架,佢地坐定定我就睇得真的。我支千里镜成盘水(一万元)买架,个鬼佬嘻嘻哈哈,笑得个样宁舍奸既。阿珊好似流紧马尿(泪水)。抵佢痛,畀人咁攞命法都制,唔知老公心痛佢。阿珊多似畀佢凼番掂添,唔喊勒,肯畀佢啜嘴、捻莲,楂到变型。个佬又唔知同佢讲的乜野勒,阿珊好似唔想,拧哂头,就成个人畀佢掅起身,要佢趴喺个鬼佬条大髀度,做乜?打萝柚。唔系讲玩,好劲揪咁打落去。
打完桩重要打箩柚?九成系虐待狂,一掌掌咁打落,打咗十几廿板,打到阿珊扎扎跳,嗌救命。有翼(翅膀)会飞落去救老婆。没几耐,个阿尚又试将阿珊成个人楞上膊头,萝柚朝天,擡佢入屋。阿珊放软哂手脚,没反抗咯噃?睇真的,佢对手重系畀个薄落绑住。个老婆钟意畀人咁玩法,没说话好讲。天黑咯,睇下个表,晚饭时份。屋�面没动静。等咗一轮,没野发生。佢地向屋�面做乜?我没心情睇落去,崭(音栈)愈睇愈伤心。唔好叫阿妈喺屋企等咁耐,执架生收队﹗ 打电话畀阿妈,话佢知返紧去。佢话唔系有应酬乜?咁早?我话,应酬啫,有话则长无话则短,应酬咗就算,挂住你丫嘛。唔舍得丢低你一个人太怕耐闷亲你。佢话,真系咁有心挂住阿妈?我话,我知错改过喇,唔做没尾飞砣,好匿家架,家阵。佢话,的男人话返话返,唔知几时返到,返到至算喇。我话,就返到喇。转个弯就到。同阿妈一路蓝牙打牙骹,一路开车,踹拫油(催油门),话咁快就返到。
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